ahh a bit of a vent art I guess??
I was at the mall earlier with my friends with a REALLY red magenta-ish lipstick, it was the PERFECT COLOR, plus a friend’s bra stuffed with socks in it under my shirt. I know this isn’t much, I know that this isn’t a full-on crossdress, because that’d really, really attract attention, but still, as soon as I left the bathroom, I was nervous. I took my friend’s hand, squeezed it tight and went on with them to hang out at the mall.
And… it was… perfect… My friends were either okay with it or super supportive, plus the mall was so crowded but I didn’t feel harassment or embarassment out of it. Nobody really harassed me or I felt like the target of really disgusting looks or laughs, just the usual indifference you find towards unknown crowds. I felt empowered and pretty, specially because I was with friends. I probably wouldn’t have any courage to do this if I were alone, I’d be anxious and nervous and be feeling terrible all around, but being with such amazing friends gave me a great time!!
I wouldn’t call me transgender, though, I feel that’d be an insult to them, my feelings are not as strong as theirs towards their own body or gender. They usually feel, ever since they’re really small, that they aren’t supposed to be of the sex that they have been born with, and are very unhappy towards it. I don’t feel that way. I love both genders and I feel like I identify with both of them. I just want to feel like a woman because I have been obligated into being a man for so long, I think. I guess the term for me would be genderqueer? Anyhow, I’m really feeling comfortable and happy with this again, after my mom talked to me, I was feeling really unsure about it, but now my hopes went up and I’m super contentt.